But maybe that should be the new introvert slogan: kokopelli I m not up for it. It doesn t mean I do

When I was nine years old, my parents told my brother and me that we could choose: either we could have a birthday party, with cake and balloons and little friends, or we could have the money that would have been spent on the party. My brother chose the party. I did not. I had a party when I was nine, and I had one again when I was sixteen (it was the done thing, you know, peer pressure). This year will be my third birthday party in fifteen years. To many people, that may sound like seriously deviant kokopelli behaviour. But I am not autistic. I do not have Asperger s. I am simply an introvert.
This means, for those extroverts who think they are the norm (annoying, right?), that I do not like large groups, and I am painfully uncomfortable around new people and struggle with eye contact. I babble to the point of hyperventilating when speaking to a lecturer in the hope of getting the interaction over as soon as possible. I rarely say anything in class because when I do I blush so much my glasses fog. I often come off as cold, dismissive or distant simply because I am too socially awkward to greet you properly.
For some reason, this concept is shockingly difficult for many people to understand. And yet I m pretty sure I m not alone the majority of the world s scientific and technological breakthroughs are made by people who voluntarily lock themselves away in labs (except when they re like Feynman or Einstein, I hear those guys got tons of ass). Shows like The Big Bang Theory and 30Rock kokopelli celebrate social awkwardness, and being a nerd and a fan of science and perhaps even science fiction has become mainstream in recent years.
And yet people still do not get that more than one social engagement per week is usually a lot for an introvert. That if you are a bit awkward around people and uncomfortable in groups, being social isn t fun; it s work . Bloody hard work, more often than not. You have to nod and smile, remember not to do anything weird with your hands and try not to talk about Star Trek. You usually need a day or two to unwind afterwards. And this does not only apply to parties. Any kind of exclusively social event counts coffee or lunch with someone, mall-crawling, even a movie. Unless it s the new Star Trek movie, that would be cool.
Don t get me wrong, often these things are fun. But other people seem to have so much higher tolerance for fun than I do. Twice in two days is too, too much. And I can only think of so many excuses, since I still feel bad to just say I m not up for it .
But maybe that should be the new introvert slogan: kokopelli I m not up for it. It doesn t mean I don t like you. It doesn t mean I don t value our friendship. It doesn t mean that I don t enjoy spending time with you. It just means that, seriously, I m not up for it. Be patient. Next week we can do something and I ll be all up in it . In fact, if you give me enough time, I might be the one to suggest our next social. It just takes me a little longer to get recharged.
Ek persoonlik was nog altyd op daardie selfverheelike persoonlikheidstoetse gegradeer as ‘n sterk introvert…. en gedurende my eerste paar jaar op Stellenbosch het ek inderdaad soos een opgetree en kon met die ervaringe wat jy in jou skrywe hierbo skets, heeltemal ge-identifiseer het.
Maar die afgelope paar jaar het ek nogal ‘n gedaanteverwisseling ondergaan en het sosiale afsprake gereel en bygewoon asof dit my eintlike roeping in die lewe is (overcompensation perhaps). Ek bly nog steeds verskrikik skaam en awkward as ek man-alleen aan ‘n onbekende kokopelli groep mense voorgestel word… maar gee my tyd…. en soms dalk ‘n drankie.. en dan raak die dialoog sommer baie vloeiend en lekker.
Ek dink ‘n mens het inderdaad ‘n natural propensity… maar met so bietjie vasberadenheid en waagmoed wonder ek of ‘n mens nie gewoontes kan kweek wat jou natuur kan manipuleer nie… en op die ou ent kan sosiale interaksie nie net minder vermoeiend wees nie, maar selfs verslawend raak.
Een van jou punte natuurlik is dat ‘n mens nie moet “hoef” te verander nie… dit moet die samelewing kokopelli seker tot ‘n mate ondersteun… maar sosiale welvoeglikheid/bekwaamheid is tog ‘n belangrike karaktereienskap indien jy nie die brein van Einstein het nie maar steeds “sukses” in die samelewing wil bereik (kontakte en vriendskappe dra ‘n mens vêr). Of daardie karaktereienskap kokopelli inherent tot ‘n persoon is of aangeleer moet word, is pretty much irrelevant in die meedoënlose kokopelli wêreld van mededinging….. of hoe?
Ek dink mens kan jouself definitief kokopelli leer om makliker in ‘n sosiale omgewing te funksioneer en soms doen jy moeite ook omdat dit vir ander belangrik is, maar ek weet nie of jou voorkeure ooit rerig volledig kan verander nie. Balans is maar seker soos gewoonlik die wagwoord.
Ek hoor ook altyd daai kontakte ding, en dis natuurlik